North of Beautiful

I forgot how much this book influenced me. I really love the story and the focus is on how to be yourself. Terra Nullis is a teen with a super gorgeous body that she works hard to keep in order to make up for her more than imperfect face. She has a huge birthmark that completely steals the attention away from her creative mind. She is an artist. However, she is hidden and no one really knows her, not even her boyfriend. When she meets Jacob  he can see through her act. Its beautiful. He is one of those characters that you always hope exists in real life. He is very real and does not care about the opinion of others. He may not be a super cute guy that everyone dreams about, but he is the kind of person that it would be exciting to have a conversation with. I like Jacobs confidence and I love his insight into people. I do not know if I am just a difficult person to read or if I just have not met the right person that can read me. It seems very easy for me to hide what I am thinking. I swear I have to spell things out very clearly in order for anyone to understand how I think. However, when Terra tries to hide herself, Jacob can still read her. To have someone like that around must be both scary and a relief. You may never be able to hide from them, but at the same time you will always have someone to take into account what you are thinking and try to talk you through it. Like I said before, this book influenced me. The characters made me want to be creative and to seek relationships that are meaningful, and most importantly to walk to your own beat and ignore the stares or the whispers. Not to mention the concept of maps and compasses that are threaded through this book have stuck with me through the years.

Its a miracle...

While I still am unable to finish "Fault in our Stars," I also was unable to move on to a new book either. However, I just did it! I saw a book sitting on my bookshelf and decided I wanted to read it. You know what is even more amazing? I am rereading it. I read it a few years ago and I am reading it again. This is a rare occurrence for me. In fact, this may have only happened one other time. The book that had brought me back into the reading world is "North of Beautiful" by Justina Chen Headley. Its not my favorite kind of book because there is no new interesting society or action. It is set in modern times in a small town near Seattle. However, this book is the thing that brought me to my odd obsession with compasses. Their symbolism and beauty intrigue me. This book helped me see them as art. This book will be an easy read, perfect for the end of the school year. I like the characters. They are quiet, inverted and thoughtful. They are caring and throughout the book they learn how to deal with their physical imperfections and use them as a way to form connections and spread their confidence to others. Its filled with map references which is interesting to learn about. I think I can finish this book in a week or so.  

Rereading

I do not like rereading books I have already read. On the one hand, the books are really good or the movie has come out so I want to refresh myself on the story. However, I expect a book to be just as good a second time and it usually is not. All the surprise of what is about to happen is taken away. The feeling of getting to know each character and watch as they build up their complexity throughout a novel is gone. I still like the book when I reread it, but I think the most important part of reading is learning something new, making discoveries and solving problems. However, when you reread you know how the problem was solved, you know the story line. I ma discover a few new details that I may have missed before or just forgotten, but I never seem to get the same joy out of the book as I did the first time. I wish I liked rereading. I want to get the same reaction I had before, but it is impossible to have the exact same reactions when you already know what happens. Someday I hope to find a book that I can reread over and over again, but I am not sure if I am that sort of reader. I do not read because the book is the best piece of literature. I like to marvel at how each writer writes and some are clearly better than others, but I do not read it again because it was good writing. It is the story that sticks in my head and characters that I remember. Knowing the quality of each writer only helps me to see if I want to read more books by them or move on to someone with a completely different style.

My Tragic Reading Funk

I have been reading The Fault in Our Stars and I cannot seem to get into it. Its is by no means a bad book, however I think I might have read it at the wrong time. I love the way John Greene writes. I also love the sophisticated voice that he gives to both Hazel and Augustus. I have a slight dilemma though. I have need to finish any book I start, even if it is really bad because I need to have closure. However, I am not sure if I will be able to finish this book. It has taken way too long and I am only a little over halfway done. Sometimes I like romance and I always love a little bit of tragedy, but I have to say I am more inclined towards books that describe a dystopian future. I loved Hunger Games, Divergent, and Never Let me Go. I think I am going to abandon The Fault in Our Stars and go for something similar to these books just to get me out of this reading funk I am in. I am getting slightly desperate for a good book; I have even resorted to Googling dystopian novels and looking on the Wikipedia pages to find them.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Li Mu Bai had such a strong desire to teach Jen. It was almost irritating because she would continually cross him Shu Lien and every time he would show her complete mercy. Jen had extreme trouble learning lessons, yet this challenge was highly appealing to Li Mu Bai. Part of the appeal must have came from her potential. After all, potential plus hard work and training could mean greatness. Jen had great natural skill. She was able to teach herself to become a great fighter. However, there is always more to learn. Li Mu Bai needed to teach her how to conduct herself, she was so reckless. Jen rarely followed the rules of a great warrior. She engaged in unnecessary fights and created destruction. Li Mu Bai needed to teach her what was important. She focused so much on the sword, Green Destiny, that she could not think of anything else but that sword. It was Li's sword, but he knew he did not need it. all he needed was his skill and Jen never understood that.  I think Li Mu Bai saw Jen as innocent. She did not know any better. He took pity on her. Innocence means that she lacks real experience and real training. Experience is the best way to learn. Li Mu Bai want to offer her a chance to experience fighting with real warriors. He wants to guide her along as she becomes mature in her fighting. Li Mu Bai had legitimate reasons to want to teach Jen, after all she has the potential to become one of the greatest fighters. However, Jen is a wild child and extremely tough to tame. His desire to train her meant nothing to Jen.

Amsterdam

I am still reading "The Fault in Our Stars." Hazel and Augustus are in Amsterdam and just walked out of Mr. Van Houten's house. I am completely baffled by Mr. Van Houten's reaction to Hazel and Augustus. He calls them dumb and childish and could not be more cruel. It  shows the truth in having two sides to everything. When I look at Hazel and Augustus all I can see is maturity, and wisdom beyond their years. They talk and think in abstract ways. How could someone think they are immature? I think that Mr. Van Houten, besides being literally crazy, is the immature one. He can only see pieces of things. He only sees specific metaphors. He does not see reality and the need for completeness and closure. He tells Hazel that characters do not exist outside of the novel, but how can they not. The personalities of characters, the actions of characters, the thoughts of characters are present in the outside world. They are pieces of society. The story of characters continues on after the book ends, but it is a story the author decides not to write down. That story lives on in the reader and they can continue on the story in their own head. Hazel is not crazy for wanting closure to the story. She can and has thought of possible endings, it is just that she wants to know what the author would want to happen. The fact that Mr. Van Houten refuses to give her access to that is crazy. There may not be importance to the ending of "An Imperial Affliction," but there is no way you can stop a story directly in its tracts without ever thinking about what would happen next.

I am Hazel

Hazel from The Fault in Our stars is absolutely me. I see so much of myself in her, but I guess that is true with most books I read. I put myself into the characters and think of their emotions as my own. She has a big circumstance in her life that has both shaped her personality and made her grow up much faster than others her age. Those same circumstances have caused her to close in on herself and keep few friends. She thinks deeply about her books, her life, and Augustus. While not really on the same scale as Hazel's handicap, My sister's disability has shaped my life and allowed me experience heavier responsibilities at an earlier age. Being a caretaker has allowed me to see the reality of situations and the real struggles that people have to deal with. This, in turn, made me turn into myself. I overthink everything and endlessly ponder thoughts, quotes, actions, and books in my mind. What is the meaning? I wouldn't call myself anti-social, but I am surely not the most popular person either. I like alone time just like Hazel. I love that time to read and think. And again, just like Hazel, My mom is one of my best friends and she gets all happy and giddy every time I bring my boyfriend over. Her reaction so paralleled to Hazel's mom it is almost crazy. I love the connection I feel with Hazel and I can already tell that it will be hard to part with this book once it ends.